IM filled with a lot of stuff right now. I need to open up, and i need
to let it out. This entire essay and message is directed at one person. One person who im pretty sure will never read it, and would not even care to see the meaning and message even if he did. He only sees what he wants to see.

If he only knew how much I miss him. If he only knew...The bond was so strong, one of friendship, and more, so much more to me. It was severed, it was severed so swiftly and so quickly that my head spun for so long. Some people dont think I have ever experienced hurt, or total heartbreak in my life. The kid who seems to have it all, and who will never be lonely....the life of the party....But HE rocked me to the core. He made me nervous when I had never been nervous before. He made things look like they had never looked before. And I so miss that.. Its been so long since things were ok. I fucked it up, and he did too. And poof, that small moment was one, and I dont see it ever coming back. Some nights, most nights, i dont get like this anymore, stuff happens, time passes. But once in a while, my heart still feels it, and still is searching for the missing piece that you stole from me.

I was so damn young and immature when I knew you, and i didnt know the way to
be, and GOD HOW I BLEW IT... I will kick myself forever over that. You were so much ahead of me in some ways, and gosh how I look up to you in some ways. You could still crumble the big bad man...I know you could, and NO ONE can do that to me....damn you.

I just want you to know that I know you are still out there, living and
breathing and functioning just fine. And I wonder if you miss me at all. I wonder if you miss the brief moment in time that WE had, when there was no one else, and no one else needed to know a damn thing. It was me and you, and fuck to the world. I
didnt care what time it was, or when that time would end.....

I know the past is gone, and will never be back, and maybe thats a good thing. You will always be my weakness, and my kryptonite, and damn you for that. Why you? What broguht me to you? ....I wish I could just cut it off, like you can do so easily, but again, you have the power. The power I have had over so many, you have taken over me, how ironic......

No one can ever tell me I dont know pain. I know pain, I know what it feels like to miss, and to regret. Thank you for everything you gave me. Sometimes,when I throw a penny in a fountain, or blow out my candles, you are still the wish......sad, huh? If only you cared. I miss you on this night. And deep down, the search goes on. Tommorow, ill wake up, and be all peachy, and you'll be buried again, but the search will go on.

9:59 PM

|