If I was led by God to love God, step by step, as it seemed, if I accept that the beauty and the rapture were real and true, then the rest of it was God's will too and that is cause for bitterness
the sparrow who fell
Links
our group's blog: la corporacion
comments by: haloscan
"Matthew ten, verse twenty-nine," Vincenzo Giuliani said quietly. "'Not one sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.'"
"But the sparrow still falls," Felipe said.
- The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell
"Tis hard if all is false that I advance. A fool must now and then be right by chance."
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Life is card game. You have to play the hand that it has dealt you. You may not be able to choose the cards you have but you can always choose how you play it.
03-29-03
Intimacy without love is pleasure that dies after the throes of lust.
05-30-04
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Tuesday, April 22, 2003
men and women are not fickle... love is.
>rae<
2:00 PM
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Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Shrouded Heaven
Raging rivers flowing endlessly,
Angel’s songs unheard as the river crashed into the sea,
Chasms of darkness is all you can see,
Heaven is only an illusion in this reality.
Echoes of voices searching for truth,
Listening for nothing, afraid of the uncouth,
Liberty from freedom, a false pacifier used to soothe,
Entities with empty fulfillment…desiring but eluding truth.
Trapped in a world of our making,
Our egress…our exodus is what we are searching,
World of prevarication… of transgressing,
Falling upon us… asphyxiating
Raging rivers flowing endlessly,
Angel’s songs unheard over the people’s plea of pity,
Suffering is prominent but hope can set us free,
Heaven is shrouded in this reality.
>rae<
2:42 PM
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Rain gently pattered on the window,
Drops gathered and gently flowed,
Time seemed to go slow,
Gripping me in the loneliness I have always known,
Rehashing the beautiful memories of the past,
In hopes of reliving it again,
Dredging up dreams that never last,
Ferverently wishing it never came to an end.
In the silence of my heart I grieve,
For I have loved and still love,
Someone that I’ll never leave,
But certainly wouldn’t have.
I have never lost him,
For he is but a dream of my heart,
Yet part of my reality so dim,
For my feelings he knows not.
He cradled me in his arms,
My waking call,
When fate hit my life with qualms,
When I thought morning wouldn’t come at all.
Through everything he was there for me,
There was no time he didn’t heed my call,
He treats me as his friend or sister, that I can see,
What I can’t see is why for him I started to fall.
I have known him for years,
He is just a friend…was just a friend,
For because of his kindness he became more than a peer,
My heart now loves him deep within its recesses…’til it’s end.
Now I give a silent shout,
Telling him what my heart contains,
Yet I know he can’t hear me out,
For the message only reverberated, in my heart…
In there it remains.
>rae<
2:36 PM
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Saturday, April 05, 2003
A short story made by yours truly:
*just analyze and you might actually get the parallelisms bet. the story and my life*
I saw her walking with Emilio. It wasn't a big deal really... If crying inside wasn't a big deal. They were having an animated conversation about something that probably does not concern me. Should I care? I shouldn't but I did. You may judge me as a fool but then again you may judge me as a romantic. However, before you speak your verdict let me tell that my tears are for retribution.
Here I am again putting down a romantic novel. It would remain unfinished for I knew that it had a wonderful ending where two distraught people find themselves in a situation where their souls intertwine in the rhythmic dance of love. I also knew that after reading it I would feel a sense of euphoria only to have depression crashing down on me because I wouild realize I am virtually alone. For if I am not, there would not be a hole in my heart. If I am not, she and Emilio would not be standing there holding hands and whispering. It is ironic that I should feel this way for I was the one who left but let me point out that I was only defending myself. I would hurt a whole lot less that way than letting the situation unfold the other way round. I'd rather be the one who walked out of the door without looking back that the one weeping and staring at a retreating figure.You may say that in such a case, I would have no right to wish for retribution but I would not have left if I had not felt shunned and rebuked. I was loved behind closed back doors. Unrecognized and hidden, the love was meant to remain a folly. It was never admitted and shown even in a slightest hint. In that folly, I was made to question my being. There were times I asked myself, "Am I that repulsive?" Many people would object and tell me that I am not but then, why do I get love in such inadquate proportions?
She left and Emilio was left standing, his head tipping downward in contemplation. He looked up and turned to face me and in his eyes I saw something else. I let go of Mike's hand. Maybe, I played my cards wrong...
>rae<
9:45 PM
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Thursday, April 03, 2003
Where does love go when it dies?
If the heart is the place where love comes from,
Then, where does it go when it dies?
Back to the heart where it came from?
Or turn into tears in the eyes?
But if even if one knew the answer,
what would one possibly gain?
Would the knowledge of where love has gone through,
Ease the heartache, the sorrow and the pain?
Why is it one cannot quite realize,
What a blessing this true love can be
Must one lose love to know it is priceless?
Must one be blind before one can see?
Ah! Where does love go when it leaves us?
This question will always remain,
For we will never know the answer,
Until we find love once again.
>rae<
6:03 PM
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Not one sparrow falls without the father knowing it...
But the sparrow still falls...
3:30 PM
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